The Story Of Winter

 

Winter Diane Hurtienne | December 19th, 2017, 4:38am

I’ve written this not because I expect anyone to read it, but because I never want to forget.

 

Sunday, December 17th

My due date was still a week away, but somehow it was like we knew it was time, because we spent the whole day finishing a long list of tasks we had been putting off. We cut down and decorated our Christmas tree, cleaned the car and installed the car seat, hung the black-out curtains, finished the laundry, and took photos of Winter's nursery. I finally collapsed on the couch at 10:30 pm, and I texted my sister "I want to have her now" and not ten minutes later my water broke.  Jaden and I frantically began googling “what to do when your water breaks” because after months of birth classes and book reading  we were still so very unprepared. I called my midwife, but I was only having mild contractions so she told me to try and get some sleep and come in first thing Monday morning. 

 

Monday, December 18th

It was after midnight, and instead of sleeping I was frantically checking and rechecking my hospital bags, pacing back and forth, and doing some last minute house cleaning. Jaden finally convinced me to go to bed, but my excitement and anxiety was to much for me, so instead I sat on the bathroom floor and cried. I was pregnant for 9 months, I KNEW we were having a baby, but it wasn't until that moment that it all became real. I spent the rest of the night laying in bed staring at the clock, and the second it hit 6am, it was time. 

We made breakfast and ate together, kissed the dogs, and held hands as we walked out the front door, alone, for very the last time.

The hospital was expecting us, and I was admitted as soon as we arrived. My midwife said the goal was to try and deliver within 24 hour or so, but because my contractions were still so  far apart, and I wasn't dilated, I needed to be induced. I never made a "Birth Plan" other than to just have a baby, so I wasn't disappointed that I didn't go into labor naturally. The thought of sitting at home and watching my due date pass filled me with so much anxiety, so I was actually incredibly relieved to get the show on the road.

At 9:30 am I was given an oral Cytotec, and then after a huge lunch, I was given another dose. Progress was slow, and even though we had originally told our parents we wanted to be alone, we were so happy to have them there to distract us. By 8:30 that evening I was 3cm dilated and it was finally time to start Pitocin. The first few hours were uneventful, and relatively pain free, until about midnight when everything changed. 

 

Tuesday, December 19th

I had no aversion to using pain meds, but I wanted to at least TRY to do it unassisted first. I'm pretty proud to have made it as long as I did, but somewhere between the screams and cries, and thoughts that I was literally going to die, I broke down and asked for help. I hadn't slept in 48 hours, and my body was broken.  The last time they checked I was only 3cm, so the thought that this could continue for 8 or 10 more hours was too much for me. I wanted nothing more than to hold my sweet babe, but I lost control mentally and needed help gaining it back. I finally got pain relief around 3am, and fell asleep almost immediately.  An hour later I woke up to a tremendous amount of pressure, and I told my nurse, who had a quick look, and with wide eyes said "It's time."

The next 45 minutes were a total blur, and the next thing I remember,  the nurses were placing my beautiful daughter on my chest. Though my body and mind were more tired than they'd ever been, the next few hours were the happiest of my entire life. I cried harder than I've ever cried as I stared at the most beautiful human I had ever seen in my life. Even now I struggle finding words worthy of describing how it felt holding her in my arms, and feeling her warm skin on mine for the first time. I will never forget  watching Jaden wrap his arms around her, sing to her and kiss her tiny little cheeks.

After years of not wanting children, in that moment seeing her face we finally understood. Everything we've ever done in our lives had led us here, and every second since then has filled us with more joy than we ever thought possible. 

 

all photos taken by Jaden and I

 
PersonalGrace + Jaden