5 Reasons to Have Animals at Your Wedding
The wedding planning is going great! You’ve bribed your best friends to help you tie the 4000 little burlap stringy things around everything, you’ve settled on only 30 people in your bridal party, because the venue rudely stated that there was “No more room on stage you crazy person!”,
and you finally got the DJ to agree to playing “Sweet Caroline” 5 times in a row because you think you’re hilarious.
But then you saw this movie where the bride has her little duggars as the ring bearer, and it was SO CUUUUTE OMGBBQ!!! So you ask your fiancé if your own little genetic abomination could be part of your special day. They say “I don’t knoooooooooowwwww………about thaaaaaaaat…..”. That’s where I come in! If your significant other is being the Negativest Nancy ever, then here are five scientifically proven facts* (not actual facts) for why you should have animals in your wedding, to use against those who would Say Nay to your Perfect Day!
1. Who needs a bridal party!?
Fed up with friend and family politics? Bridal party full of a bunch of “C” listers? Why not rent a bunch of llamas instead!? They sort of have a natural pastel color, which is so hot right now, they have fabulous hair, and EVERYBODY loves Emperor’s New Groove! There are weddings, and there are weddings with Llamas. Your guests will know the difference.
2. Help with clean up!
Weddings are fun, but cleaning up afterwards isn’t! Hire some animals to be your full service clean up crew! Cats push everything off of the tables, dogs eat up all of the food scraps, and goats eat……everything else. Do yourself a favor and procure a clean up crew that are super passionate about their job, and won’t require a lunch break!
3. Smile for the camera!
Everybody has pictures of lame old humans looking great for the camera. BORING!! Destroy your friends by bringing a Smily Puppers, or maybe even a Happy Horsey to your special day! Showing your fiancé that you’re one with animals is guaranteed to add at least 3 to 5 years to your first marriage*!
4. Extra Guests
Did your invitees completely ignore your RSVP requests? Did you put out too many chairs and now your ceremony looks like a college class on a snow day? Fear not and call the wild! A gaggle of geese can fill your seat-sad ceremony in a flash!
5. LIFE OF THE PARTY
Animals are basically humans, but people like them even more! Get a Duggerz on the Dancefloor, and you'll be the toast of the town!! Need that friend that gets wasted and then goes around hugging and kissing everyone!? Trade up for a Silly Doggo that will do it for free without having to get all drunky drunk! Score!
All in all, this article should give you all of the scientific proof* that you need to convince your loved ones to up their wedding game and invite all of the animals to be part of your special day! And if you need any more convincing, here are some more photos that might do the trick.